You may be feeling a bit confused about certain concepts or topics on personal development. To help you clarify a few of them, I will be addressing 5 myths that even I had believed at some point.
Myth #1: We must be happy all the time.
Life always consists of 50% positive experiences and 50% negative experiences. (Although we do get to define what constitutes a positive or negative experience.) Pain and loss are inevitable and we should let go of trying to resist them. If everything is ‘positive’ all the time, we would not have anything to contrast the ‘positive’, would we?
Myth #2: There is something wrong with me and therefore, I need to improve myself.
The feeling of inadequacy or ‘not being good enough’ might have been too ingrained in your mind, so it may feel difficult to change that belief about yourself so quickly.
We are 100% worthy and good enough where we currently are. In fact, there is nothing wrong with us. But we want to grow and evolve so we choose to invest in ourselves. Learn and evolve, just because you can. Improvement does not mean something is broken.
Myth #3: Perfectionism is doing things perfectly.
I also thought that perfectionism means having the desire to do things perfectly. But perfectionists are not perfect people. Perfectionists are people who feel ashamed they’re not perfect. Perfectionism is just a set of beliefs – it’s not who you are. A few other symptoms of perfectionism include procrastination, all-or-nothing mindset, people pleasing, fear of judgement and unattainably high standards.
Perfectionism is the act of avoiding shame. Shame is part of the human experience regardless of whether you’re going after your goals or not. We cannot completely eradicate or protect ourselves from shame so we need to develop shame resilience.
Myth #4: When I have this or that… life will be better.
Stop looking outside of yourself for what makes you happy. We must learn to be able to enjoy the things we think we’re lacking, right now.
Being aware of the present moment simply means you never believe the illusion that the future is going to be better than what is going on right now. It doesn’t get any better than this moment. Joy and happiness come from our minds. Your capacity to feel joy will not change. Because your feelings come from your thoughts, you can experience the same amount of joy right now if you want.
Myth #5: I am hopeless at personal development.
The way you view yourself will affect how you act. If you believe that you cannot achieve something, you will not. If you strongly believe that you can accomplish whatever you set out to do, that will become your reality. If setting a positive affirmation is a stretch, you could create a neutral belief that your brain will find easier to believe. For instance, ‘I’m considering the possibility that …’ or ‘It’s okay to have a few messy years.’
Personal development is not about gaining intellectual knowledge, but about practicing and applying. Thankfully, training our brain is a skill that all of us are capable of developing. It just takes consistent effort and practice, just like any other skill. So naturally, you will feel resistance. However, there is no going backwards, only recalibration, and then you keep going. You do not need to rush. Enjoy the process. Having a growth mindset will also help you achieve more and maintain your self-worth, regardless of your results. So do not lose heart.
I hope you now have a clearer idea of what personal development is about. If you have any more questions, feel free to comment them down below!
