Are you terrified of being vulnerable? It means to put yourself in a position that could potentially hurt you emotionally such as getting rejected. This was especially so for me during the past few months. And it happened over and over again. It wasn’t easy. It was like dealing multiple blows to my self-worth.

Have you ever felt this way too?

I kept thinking that the rejections meant that I am not good enough. I felt like I was not worthy, not loveable, not wanted and that I don’t belong anywhere. Those were thoughts that I had created and repeated over and over again.

I spiralled into self-pity. Nothing like beating myself over things that I was meant to struggle with in the beginning. You see, the string of thoughts I had had woven into a story, and that story was awful.

Focus on finding solutions.

Eventually, I started asking myself questions that would help me focus on finding solutions instead of wallowing in self-pity for too long.

For instance, my brain focused more on solution-based questions such as “What can I learn from this?” and “How can I apply these new takeaways I gained?” Asking these questions instead of self-deprecating ones like “Why me?” helped me to change the story that I am telling myself about the situation.

Therefore, the key here is the story you’re telling yourself.

Is it a story of not being good enough? Is it a story of self-pity? Or is it a story of struggle and your journey to self-confidence?

Indeed, it is definitely easier to just give up and not try. Having thoughts like “I don’t need to ‘damage’ my self-worth even more.” will make you do just that. In fact, the default setting on our brains which are designed to protect us from more ‘pain’ makes it so easy to produce negative self-talk. 
Yet, some people can still pick themselves up and persevere despite their trying circumstances.

Why is that so? It is because of the story they tell themselves.

It takes practice, but the good news is that no one else has the power to create this story but yourself.

What I mean is that you can view it however way you want. If you choose to view the situation as a negative thing, it will be. If you choose to view it as a positive thing, it will be.

It helps to think of myself as a good friend. I would ask myself “What advice would you give to a close friend who has gone through this same situation as you? What would you say? What actions would you tell her to take? What would you tell her not to do?”

I decided to embrace the challenge. As vulnerability and shame researcher Brené Brown said, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.“

My story is that I showed up and said “Yes” to being vulnerable. I celebrated the fact that I was courageous. I celebrated the fact that I chose to step out of my comfort zone. And I celebrate my subsequent acts of risking rejection.

It wasn’t meant to be easy in the first place.

I am still terrified but I will do it anyway. And you can too.

Keep going. Keep failing until you succeed. Say “Yes” to being vulnerable.

So, what is the story you are telling yourself?